Neurodivergent burnout (also known as autistic or ADHD burnout) is a debilitating condition that can occur when a neurodivergent person has been overwhelmed and operating beyond their capacity for a period of time, to the point where their system is overloaded and cannot be productive at the individual’s normal level. Symptoms vary from person to person, but some common experiences include:

Physical exhaustion
Feeling extremely low on energy, feeling the need/desire to rest and sleep more (or much more) than usual. Anxiety and physical symptoms related to neurodivergent burnout may contribute to insomnia or various forms of disturbed sleep. 

Emotional challenges
Emotions may feel bigger, stronger, and harder to manage. This experience commonly leads to internal discomfort, emotional outbursts, explosive anger, and crippling depression, among other reactions.

Social withdrawal
Neurodivergent burnout is a sign of fully depleted energy stores. With no social battery, people experiencing this type of burnout will likely avoid social situations and pull away from any social interactions that require energy or masking. They may distance themselves from loved ones or stop participating in activities they typically enjoy.

Withdrawal may also be experienced in the form of dissociation, which is a drastic measure for the brain and nervous system to escape the demands of life. Types of dissociation include derealization, depersonalization, maladaptive daydreaming, amnesia, and identity alteration. These experiences are less common and may indicate a more severe episode of burnout. 

Decreased masking
Lower energy stores can lead to less ability to mask and cover up natural tendencies toward stimming, info dumping, dissociating, etc. Sensory sensitivities may be more overstimulating as coping strategies become more difficult to utilize.

Executive dysfunction
A person experiencing neurodivergent burnout will likely have difficulty completing tasks, making decisions, or using skills that were strong at one time. Previously acquired skills such as speech, cognitive abilities, and life management may decline or disappear during burnout.

Neurodivergent burnout differs from work burnout or a major depressive episode in that it is a collapse of the nervous system due to extended stress and overwhelm. Work burnout refers to a form of stress that comes from working hard for a period of time and losing motivation, dedication, or interest in the work, which affects the attitude and productivity of the worker. Taking a vacation or extended break, or changing jobs altogether, typically is sufficient to heal this type of burnout. Major depressive episodes are generally instigated by a difficult event in the person's life that has triggered intense sadness, grief, guilt, or shame. Supportive therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy can often help a person work through the experience and bounce back to their normal level of functioning. Anti-depressant medications are also commonly used in the treatment of depressive episodes.
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Healing from neurodivergent burnout can take weeks to months to a year or more. It is important to create space for the nervous system to heal gently and completely. The best way to recover is to remove oneself from sources of intense stress and enact deep relaxation and elimination of internal and external pressures. The more fully a person can distance themselves from overwhelming demands, the more quickly the healing process will proceed. It is most supportive to have no time expectations, but to create an environment that will support any length of healing process. Psychotherapy can be extremely helpful while recovering, to help work through the incidents and circumstances that lead to the burnout, and to configure life in a way that will help avoid future burnout instances.

I was talking with a client about what it means to thrive. How do you know when you're doing great in life? You don't need to meet all the criteria below to thrive as a human, but here are some measurements to consider.

Thriving starts with wellness, the three main pillars of which are physical, mental, and emotional. 

• Are you taking care of your body? Do you feel energetic, strong, and healthy?
• Are you solving problems in a satisfying way? Is your mind stimulated by interesting challenges or creative pursuits?
• Do you experience enjoyment every day? Do you savor the small delights and let them resonate within you?

The concept of thriving is associated with a plant growing fast and strong. Are you planted in good soil? Do you have the nutrients required for wellness? Do you have access to healthful food, nourishing relationships, and protected living space?

A thriving plant will flourish. How does a thriving human flourish? Do they look great, are they vibrant, do they exude energetic joy?

To thrive can also mean to be successful. Whose standards are you using to judge your success? Feel free to step outside the industrial-capitalist definition. You can succeed at a task, one day at a time, or you might consider your accomplishments to date, as a whole.  Choose your own measure of success. Are you proud as you look back on your life, or hopeful as you look ahead to your future? Are you happy with how you approached life today?

And with the success you enjoy, are you making the lives of others better? Do you share your mental, emotional, creative, and financial wealth with others to create experiences of joyful connection? Do you direct your resources in a way that helps others thrive as well?

By all means, do not compare yourself to celebrities, billionaires, or friends' social media fictions. Those images do not depict the ultimate version of success. Capitalism is a game that can be won, and ultimately there may be one person left controlling all the resources. Let's frame them as a mighty oak surrounded by countless smaller ecosystems thriving away and enjoying the process of being alive, oblivious to the constant strain of the tree trying to stay so large. Life is not a game to be won, but a process to be savored.

Thriving also refers to growing, developing, and building resilience. Do you know more than you did a year ago? Do you have new skills, insights, or dreams?

I think of thriving as extending into your full personhood, knowing who you are, and experiencing your life in a way that feels meaningful and satisfying to you. There are no comparisons—it is irrelevant how other peoples' personhood shows up in the world or feels to them. Your own thriving personhood is unique, authentic, and delicious. 

Neurodivergent Epilogue:
If you consider yourself neurodivergent and don't feel like you're thriving in your current state, be sure to externalize the source of the problem. Can you consider a set of circumstances in which you would be likely to thrive? Perhaps living along in the woods with all your needs for comfort and survival met? Or existing within a socially supportive, non-competitive society where people are free to pursue their passions and interests as a way of supporting themselves and others? Autism and ADHD can present as obstacles to thriving because of the demands and expectations of competitive, capitalistic, achievement-oriented societies that have developed a clear understanding of what it means to be "normal" aka neurotypical, and hold everyone equally to those standards.

​Fuck that. You're not the problem, the system is the problem.

Embracing a healthy lifestyle is valuable for reasons beyond general health and body aesthetics. Did you know exposure to sunlight creates dopamine? That spending pleasant time with others regulates your nervous system? That positive self-talk is the best medicine for anxiety?

For various reasons, some days, weeks, and months it can be difficult to tend to our basic needs on a regular basis. During especially stressful or low periods, we need extra support and strategy to do the basic things that keep us fueled up.  The GRAPES acronym helps us remember the critical activities to include every day. Even if you spend only one minute on each one, it will support your physical and mental health and move you closer to better days.

G is for Gentle with self. Catch any self-critical or disparaging thoughts your brain is producing and shift them to a more positive perspective. For example, instead of calling yourself lazy for being a couch potato, affirm your need for rest and sink into it.

R is for Rest and sleep. Remember that your brain actually requires regular rest periods. Overall, it has two main modes of processing: 1) active, working mode and 2) default mode. The Default Mode Network (DMN) switches on whenever your mind takes a break, zones out, or has a pleasant daydream. Spending time in your DMN every day is critical for learning, memory, and problem-solving. So let’s banish the voice in our heads that tells us we need to be productive every minute and that relaxation is a form of laziness. Taking breaks makes us stronger, smarter, and happier! And remember that everything improves with a long, uninterrupted night's sleep.

A is for Accomplishment. Take care of at least one thing on your list every day. If you're in a very low energy space, it can be something small. But taking some form of action keeps you connected with your life and mentally engaged.

P is for Physical Activity. We don't need to call it exercise. Move your body for 10-15 minutes, preferable outside if possible. Breathe some fresh air, oxygenate your insides.

E is for Eat. Be sure to nourish yourself throughout the day. If you can include fresh foods with vitamins, protein, and fiber, all the better. There are two rules I try to follow: 1) whenever you eat, eat a fruit or vegetable. So either include a fruit or vegetable in your meal, or if you're just having a snack, make it a fruit or veg. 2) Whenever you drink, drink water. If you're going to have a coffee, soda, or other flavored beverage, have a full glass of water first.

S is for Social. Try not to fully isolate yourself. Keep in touch with your support network or social circle. Greet people you pass while walking. Meet with your therapist, doctor, or mentor. Interact with friends through games or social media. Social connections are imperative to robust mental health.

Task Paralysis is the sensation of knowing you have something to do, wanting to do it, and absolutely not being able to move your body to get started. This is a real experience even though people who don’t struggle with it really can't understand it.

Hyperfocus is getting in the zone, being in flow, achieving a zen state. It’s magical and creative when it doesn’t conflict with other activities. The downside is that sometimes we hyperfocus to the exclusion of self-care, time frames, and others’ expectations.

Procrastination for AD/HDers creates a state of urgency that allows us to tackle an unpleasant task and power through to get it done. Our high intelligence and competence shine through in these moments, but the toll these bursts take on our energy, health, and mindset is significant.
The AD/HD nervous system likes novelty, fun, and creativity. These qualities can initiate hyperfocus, whereas tasks lacking these traits can lead to paralysis and procrastination.

PRESCRIPTION #1:  Make it fun! Find a way to inject a bit of fun, silliness, or creativity into a project. Put dance music on to clean the kitchen. Eat three M&Ms after each small computer task. Use stickers or emojis to decorate your daily schedule.


Breaking away from a hyperfocus can be a supreme challenge. It requires extraordinary amounts of executive functioning to stop when in the grips of an engaging activity. Sometimes we may intensely focus on something challenging, to the point of frustration and dysregulation. Or we may unintentionally ignore people or tasks that also need our attention.

PRESCRIPTION #2:  Rip the Velcro! This is my analogy for the feeling of pulling yourself out of a hyperfocus. How many times and in which situations do you say to yourself “Just one more”? Each one of us needs to find our own method for breaking the spell. Changing your body state is a good start. 

• Physically move your body
• Sing a song out loud
• Talk yourself through your next steps, out loud
• Take a deep breath all the way to your tailbone
• Move your eyes side to side, up and down, and in circles
• Pass an item back and forth between your hands, tracking it with your eyes

People who experience these challenges are not lazy or careless. These are real neurological phenomena that we can work to manage, but which are deeply ingrained in our nervous systems’ design and function. Tending to our health and wellbeing provides us with the highest energy level with which to address these challenges. Following a routine that incorporates all the basic self-care categories provides a solid foundation for daily functioning.

PRESCRIPTION #3:  Sleep, hydrate, exercise, and eat well. Review each of these areas to ensure you are doing them well every day. Resolve any issues that get in the way of:

1. Getting a full night’s sleep (preferably uninterrupted)
2. Drinking full glasses of water throughout the day
3. Exercising enough to feel your heartbeat (preferably at least 10 minutes)
4. Eating fresh foods high in vitamins, protein, and fiber
   
   
   

Self-compassion
Mistakes happen. All the time. We tell our children that it’s ok to make mistakes because that’s how they learn. But we don’t always extend ourselves the same grace. For some reason we believe as adults we’re supposed to know everything and not mess up anymore. Ha! What a bunch of hooey!
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You can change your self-talk around mistakes or missteps. Instead of calling yourself names and assigning mean adjectives to yourself, say “Doing ____ was a mistake and I will keep trying to do better”. Spend a short period of time planning for how to avoid the same mistake in the future and then let it go. You don’t deserve to carry around bad feelings because of a human foible. Everyone has them.

For more support with AD/HD and other mental health topics, visit Humanest.

Using the Eisenhower Matrix, tasks are placed into one of four categories: 

1. Tasks you will DO are both important and urgent.
2. Tasks can be PLANNED if they are important but not urgent. The key is to schedule these tasks so they aren’t pushed off the pile and forgotten.
3. Tasks can be DELEGATED if they are urgent but it’s not important for you to do them personally.
4. Tasks can be DELETED if they don’t qualify as either urgent or important.

The Ivy Lee Method. Plan your day in the morning or the night before. Here is the process:

1. Write down the six most important tasks you need to accomplish during the day. Prioritize them from most to least important. It might be useful to combine this with your Eisenhower Matrix to help with prioritizing.
2. When you’re ready, start with the first task. Complete that task before moving on to the next. 
3. At the end of the day, any unfinished tasks will move to the top of the next day’s list. Add new tasks so that your list always contains six action items.

Project Division. When you have a big project with a due date out in the future, you may be tempted to ignore it in favor of tasks that are due sooner. We all know how that feels the night before the deadline! In order to avoid that stress, you can do some easy math and create a manageable plan for your project.

1. First, break the project down into small steps, as we’ve already discussed. If the project is huge, just identify the first ten small steps. 
2. If this seems like about half of the project, you can guess there may be twenty total steps. 
3. Now divide the number of estimated steps by the number of days until the deadline. If you have fourteen days and fourteen steps, you only need to complete one step per day! If you have five days to complete the first ten steps, complete two steps per day to stay on track. 
4. This system provides a motivational dopamine boost as well as reduced anxiety as you work toward your goal rather than leaving it in the back of your mind until alarm bells start ringing.​

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In therapy circles, the "I Statement" reigns supreme. Our first interpersonal psych classes taught us this method for helping people communicate their feelings in a concise, healthy way: "I feel (an emotion), when (a certain thing happens), because (why it matters to you)." We learned it, we practiced it, and most of us kinda forgot about it. It's one of those skills that is simple to say but not easy to do, and even harder to convince clients to use in their own lives.

Today I was pondering a way to stay neutral when receiving a message that feels like criticism. Many of us have an instant reaction when we think we've done something wrong and our nervous systems respond as though we're in Big Trouble. Common emotional responses are guilty apologizing, shrinking in fear or shame, puddling into sad tears, or angrily avoiding the conversation.

Maybe if we have a healthier, more assertive approach at the ready, we won't need to sink into any of these uncomfortable responses. Behold, the Reverse I Statement! With this approach, we can look the other in the eye, rather than feeling inferior or unworthy. And we can say: "I heard you say that when I (my action), you felt (an emotion), because (their interpretation of the event)". Then stop talking. Let them respond to your statement-- they will likely either agree or correct you. Continue rephrasing what you hear them say until you have achieved complete understanding of their concern. No apologies, no tears, no shouting.

Once the other has been heard, they will likely be more receptive to hearing your side of the story. Now you can swoop in with an I Statement of your own, or something simpler if you need more time to process your thoughts and feelings. It's perfectly ok to ask to return to the conversation after you've had some time to collect your thoughts.
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Many of us struggle to find the right words when we're not prepared for a conversation, so the Reverse I Statement can come to our rescue by taking the pressure off us to come up with just the right response. Try it out and share your thoughts in the comments!