Being “woke” is both an insult and an aspiration. Too much of a good thing always leads to some kind of intestinal distress, but the intention behind this maligned term is evolutionarily valuable. If the human race is to survive this current round of ugliness, we need to wield the dual weapons of awareness and wisdom. Being woke refers to acknowledging and rejecting the beliefs and practices that hurt and oppress humans. So if you are a devout bigot, racist, or oppressor, you most certainly collude with trashing the idea of being woke. If you prefer not to carry those titles, becoming woke is actually quite achievable.
The simple prescription? Embrace the new.
People over thirty-five are automatically lumped into the category of “Boomer” by those who birthed the concept of wokeness. Humans have an undeniable affinity for tradition and “the good old days”, no matter how good they actually were. Those who refuse to stay young and engaged will find themselves fighting for outdated and useless ways of being. They start voting against their own best interests when they refuse to pay attention to the young people with their fingers on the pulse of culture and activism.
So for Pete’s sake, get TikTok, follow some smart people on YouTube, keep current on NetFlix. Listen to your kids, grandkids, and other young people. Ask them questions and resist teasing, lecturing, or comparing their experience to yours. Consider yourself lucky if they talk to you honestly, and don’t waste the opportunity to appreciate their perspective. When you notice the little door to new experience closing in your heart and mind, resist. Open it back up and listen. Be present and current and woke.
Addressing Bullying Effectively—Step 1
The term "bullying" is bandied about very freely in our society. Recently, many celebrities have felt compelled to "speak out" against bullying, as a result of some recent events that garnered significant media attention. It is generally assumed that we all know what bullying is, but as a US citizenry, we actually have no clear concensus on the actions and factors that constitute true cases of "bullying".
True bullying is, in fact, a very serious event which needs to be handled forcefully and immediately by adults in authority. Children cannot handle bullying on their own—they need adults to intervene. The most important step in protecting children against bullying is teaching them to effectively identify and report it. If adults cannot reliably and clearly explain exactly what "bullying" is, how can we expect children to know? And how can they secure the protection they need if they don't know the correct words to put to their experiences? I continually notice that children are very confused when it comes to knowing the difference between "teasing" and "bullying", and most of the "anti-bullying" programs of the last decade do more to muddy the issue than to help. As adults, we have a responsibility to clearly understand the issue before leading children astray through emotional vilifying and uninformed proselytizing.
The specific actions that someone engaging in bullying does may vary widely. A useful definition of bullying focuses less on the specific actions of the perpetrator and more on qualities related to the interaction between the perpetrator and the target.
1. The cruel behaviors are repetitive, perpetrated by a specific person or group against another specific person or group. It is not a one-time incident and it is not accidental.
2. The perpetrating person or group has more power than the target. This may be physical, intellectual, or social power.
3. The target person or group feels scared, powerless, and may want to avoid going to school to avoid the perpetrator(s).
Adults need to be able to identify what bullying is and isn't so that they can empower children to handle situations effectively. A child who learns how to deal with teasing and bugging on his own will learn a valuable life skill that he will take into adulthood and continue to use regularly. A child who receives immediate, pointed, and powerful assistance with a case of true bullying will feel protected, valuable, and safe.
An aside: As a society, we are quick to demonize those nasty "bullies" and coddle the "poor victims". However, we fail to realize that bullying exists in all levels of society and we actually reward and support it in many ways. Children don't come up with this stuff on their own—it is partially hardwired by our survival instinct and partially passed down by parents, communities, and the mass media. The power differential applies to adult relationships, as well—it often appears economically, politically, and socially. We are often afraid to go to work, to certain gatherings, or even to the polls to avoid the powerless feeling we get from experiencing bullying. When we as adults understand true bullying and learn to identify it, maybe we can let go of the victim mentality and stop supporting bullying with our votes, dollars, and admiration. Then we will be effective role models for our children and the best anti-bullying campaign will have begun.
Horror Movies are Traumatic
Going to the movies used to be the safest unsupervised outing a parent could agree on with their preteen or teenage child. These days many movie complexes are located inside malls, with security guards and the reassuring presence of a Macy’s and a Wetzel’s Pretzels. Malls have become the new downtown centers of many modern cities, which provide the closest approximation of the nostalgic, store-lined main streets of the somewhat distant past. For parents who want to allow their kids to develop that crucial sense of independence while still providing as much safety as possible, a trip to the mall with friends to cruise the food court and see a movie seems like a good option. As much as this setting may provide parents with a reasonably sufficient sense of security, I wonder how many parents consider the content of what their children are imbibing in their absence.
Certainly parents are concerned about preventing drug and alcohol use, but what about the terror that intoxicates children as part of today’s typical moviegoing experience? Rating systems be darned— horror movies have become such a widespread staple in the moviegoing demographic’s diet, many parents fail to recognize the impact the terrifying sights and sounds have on their children. The brain’s chemical response to terror and its effect on a person’s physical and psychological wellbeing has been identified and supported by research. The effect is even more intense on children, as their brains are in a delicate state of development. We know that shocks to their psychological system have an intense impact on their ability to concentrate, to feel secure and calm, and to interact effectively in the social world.
We have abstinence and safer sex programs for our teenagers, alcohol and drug abuse interventions, and even gaming addiction awareness, why is there no concern about the domestic terror rolling out daily in our seemingly safest harbors? Is our society so bereft of meaningful rites of passage to mark the advent of adulthood that learning to accept and embrace fear, anxiety, and horror has become the required training to be an adult American? Parents of youngsters may do well by their children to reconsider the activities they allow for “entertainment” and remember that our children’s mental safety is equally important as their physical safety.